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On returning

by Jessie Kwak | 28 February 2010 7 Comments

I’ve taken my time writing this post, trying to put into words just what we’ve gone through in the last six months: getting married, then saying goodbye to our friends and family and flying into Lima without a plan.

We’ve been back in the US for almost a week, but we still haven’t been “home” to Seattle—we spent three days in LA, three in Portland, and today will be the first time in six months that we’ll set foot in the city we’ve both lived in for 8 years. Eventually we’ll make our way to Yakima to see my parents, and then to Coeur d’Alene where we’ll move into Rob’s mom’s basement.

I guess that means it’s time to learn to spell Coeur d’Alene….

Right now we’re in a transition from carefree wandering to stable jobs, bumbling our way from town to town visiting with all the people we’ve loved and missed in the last 6 months. It’s more of a homecoming tour, a gentle transition rather than an abrupt shock, and an opportunity to parse out all that’s happened to us in the past months, talk it through and understand it.

When we left Peru I was expecting to be more upset, more wistful, but as the plane’s wheels left the runway I felt nothing but relief and joy.

We spent nearly six months in Peru. We saw a good portion of the major sites from north to south. We met people everywhere we went, both locals and other travelers. We found places that almost felt like home.

And in the end, we found out that a regimen of constant travel is simply not for us.

We got tired of each other. Without having other social outlets to tell your stories, to vent, to discuss your favorite topics with, we became a bit constricted by each other’s company. Sure, we spent time apart, but in general it was only to come back to each other and share the stories of our days’ adventures.

Five and a half months on the road has identified many of our relationship’s strengths, and many of its weaknesses. We learned how to help ease each other through bad moods, insecurities, and frustrations. We learned when to take time apart, and when to sit there and talk it through. We learned to take turns with planning and navigation, and to share the burden of our daily hunt for food and shelter.

We didn’t always get it right, but we always tried our hardest.

One of the most brutal parts of traveling for us was the lack of repeat contacts. You meet someone, relate your ten-minute life story, tell the same stories over and over, and then move on.

We met some awesome people on the road, both Peruvian and travelers. With most people, you simply recite your history, your itinerary, trade relevant information, and the conversation dies out. Every once in a while you meet a person or people that instantly go beyond that to having a conversation like you’ve known each other for years. (Hi, Ephrat and Noam, John of Chicago, Chloe and Dennis, Bene, Sarah and Enrique, Kelly, Kevin, Angela, Laura, Cat and Michael, Luis Filipe, Garin and Hutton, Scott, Aaron and Cusco expat crew, Ian, Cristobal, and Carla!).

Wow. Looking back at that list, I think that for six months that’s an awful lot of people that I sorely wish I could have built a longer relationship with. Thanks to the powers of The Internet I’ve been keeping in touch, but it’s hardly the same.

I think that constant travel began to condition us to the idea that things are disposable. People and places rushed by in a blur, and we learned not to get too attached to the ones that we liked. Hotel rooms deteriorated after a few days (especially around Cusco area where there’s no maid service in anything under three stars), but it didn’t matter because we would move on to the next place. We said goodbye to one amazing couple while consoling ourselves that we would meet some other interesting people soon. Cities would become boring once we had tramped their streets for a while, and we would move on.

I admire people who make travel their life, but I think for me I need a more sedentary lifestyle. After six months working in Venezuela, I still wasn’t ready to leave. I’d been in one place, making friends and integrating into the culture, recognized by random people on the street, being invited to birthday parties and dinners and parties. As the plane’s wheels left the Caracas runway I felt an immense sadness at being torn away from such an amazing country.

On the other hand, on leaving Peru I felt relief at being airborn, and joy that I was on my way home. I’d been dreaming and waiting for this moment for weeks.

What was the difference? Constant travel makes me feel like I’m leaving a train of half-finished projects in my wake. I spent five and a half months feeling like I didn’t accomplish a damn thing, because I was moving too quickly to absorb anything. I feel like I didn’t do Peru justice, and we were there for easily ten times longer than the average tourist.

So am I looking forward to going back this fall? Absolutely. Will we ever take a long nonstop trip like we just did? Probably not. Would we ever move to South America? It’s a possibility. But only if we set down roots and make community, because traveling solo without the networks we’re used to here is just grueling.

This trip has changed our lives in ways that I would never have anticipated, and despite the overall exhausted tone of this post, I would do it all over again. Wondering why? We’ll tell you all the reasons why over a pint or two of delicious delicious delicious Northwest beer.


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Written by Jessie Kwak

I am a farm girl who moved to the big city, and then just kept right on moving. I love camping, hoppy beer, and good conversations. See all posts by Jessie Kwak

7 Comments »

  • John of Chicago said:

    Welcome home! Even though I was in Peru for just 5 weeks, I get what you’re thinking. It’s a time you’ll never forget though. Hanging out with you guys was one of the best parts of my time in Peru and I look forward to meeting again soon. Speaking of, I’m going to be in Coeur d’Alene (sp?) the weekend of July 9th for a family reunion. Let me know if you’ll be around!

    # 28 February 2010 at 11:39 am
  • Jessie Kwak (author) said:

    Awesome–it would be great to hang out. I can’t imagine why we wouldn’t be there, but let’s keep in touch.

    # 1 March 2010 at 8:46 am
  • Jean said:

    It’s easier to spell Hayden Lake!!

    # 1 March 2010 at 8:07 pm
  • Chloe said:

    Thanks for thew shout out – somehow the Santa Cruz trek and the people we’ve met (you!) was a defining moment of our trip too.

    Dennis brought up this post – I hadn’t seen it – when we were out last night, celebrating the fact that, after 4 months back home, I finally found “a proper job” and we were discussing the challenges of the transition back to “real” life. This trip changed us and it helped us know ourselves and our relationship better. Now the challenge is to take that and incorporate it in a busy working life, without loosing sight of what we’ve learned about ourselves… ooof!

    There’s room for you in Brooklyn if your itinerary takes you to this side of the country ;)

    # 5 March 2010 at 11:59 am
  • Cal said:

    I was really surprised by your relationship comments. The “We got tired of each other” paragraph. I have read all your posts and not once did I get a hint that it was anything but an extended honeymoon. I did feel that your posts did not go deep enough and I guess I was right. I am surprised by your comments. You are a newly married on a trip of a lifetime. Holidaying with your spouse is usually great time cause you are not only sharing new experiences but getting time alone. Oh well each to their own and maybe 5 months is too long.
    I am curious, you have been home 6 weeks what are your thoughts now?

    By the way I did enjoy your posts very much.

    # 22 April 2010 at 3:29 pm
  • Jessie Kwak (author) said:

    Thanks for the comments, Cal. My six-weeks-home thoughts? I wouldn’t go on a six-month constant tour again. Three months travel? Yes. A year’s time living in one place? Yes. But like I said above, the constant change of scenery and fellowship was wearing for such a long time.

    Right now we’re essentially still living in a foreign land: Northern Idaho. We both have some family around these parts, but we don’t have a friend base like we did in Seattle. It’s lonely. As in Peru, we’re still each other’s main confidante, and we still spend nearly all our time together. But working, making friends, and having the opportunity to share ourselves with other people is HUGE.

    Holidaying with your spouse *is* great, but 6 months traveling isn’t really a holiday. Time alone is crucial to a relationship, but 6 months of rarely spending time apart can be smothering. Like they say, it’s hard to miss someone if they never go away.

    By the by, the phrase “trip of a lifetime” makes me cringe a bit. I’d hate to think that the most amazing trip we take together came in the first year of marriage, and unless a tragedy strikes we’ll be taking more trips like this one every year or two, even if we have to hire a pair of youngins to push our wheelchairs through Colombia.

    Thanks again for your thoughts–I loved being in Peru, but it’s nice to be back. Are we home? Not yet, and we won’t be for a few more years. But it’s hard to be bothered by that when you’re having such a good time.

    # 22 April 2010 at 4:12 pm
  • Kelly said:

    “When we left Peru I was expecting to be more upset, more wistful, but as the plane’s wheels left the runway I felt nothing but relief and joy.”

    I think this is a sign that it was time to go. I spent 18 months in New Zealand, and the day I left I expected the same thing. I thought I would cry, be melancholy, not want to leave. Instead, I was eager to get going, to start the next chapter in my life and in my adventures.

    I agree with you about the whole “trip of a lifetime” thing. Before I left for Auckland, my dad said that to me, and I remember thinking “wow, this had better not be the one and only time I go off and do something like this!”.

    # 17 June 2011 at 8:41 pm

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